Everybody hurts . . .

The rumour mill is rife with tales of post-Cow woes. Anthony is hobbling around on a painful ankle after being smashed early on. TH10 is unhappy because the guy who did it is his dishwasher fixer and said dishwasher packed it in on the night before the match (spooky or what?). Does he call the guy, or stick to hand washing? Gary J, scorer of two glorious goals following a genius decision from the coach to play him up front, is staggering around on the knees of a 100-year-old. John Brandman would just like a knee that worked, full stop. Sean is putting his back to back CHOTY dreams on hold to escape OS for a month at a world renown clinic for fixing sore heels (or did I read that wrong?). The Austi papers are full of talk of Fergus Rourke's dodgy groin - is this a problem peculiar to those who speak with an Irish lilt? Dave Downing, leader of the meanest backline in town, is likewise groin impaired. His partner in crime, Big Dean, has a heel spur and Gary H is in late stages of the TH10 affliction osteoitis pubis - oh, and he got a nasty bruise from that guy who broke his leg on him. Shane just needs to step on the field before he starts to hobble, Matt Carroll is coming back from the flu. Dr Doolittle, aka Graeme P, has Chron's Disease (warning: DO NOT look this up on the web moments before a meal). GP reports that he must swallow a mini camera this week and walk around with it inside him. Sounds like an elaborate way to spy on our training sessions before he returns to his old stamping ground of Balgownie. The camera is also less invasive than the question from a teammate last week: "Did Chron die from it?"
It's starting to get cold, which means Graeme Duncan won't be with us long because a teenage snowboarding freak will cut him in half on the slopes. Kevan Silver has a bad back, goalie Hector is probably still playing with a broken leg. So who does it leave? Big Phil was seen running around for 90 minutes at Sunday soccer. He is the iron man of this outfit. Ian Sinclair is Mr Perpetual Motion - he hates nothing more than coming off the field - but is there something amiss with his striking boot? Michael Anglin seems to be in rude health - is it because he has turned up too late for the warmups recently? Mark Smith? Yes, I remember a bloke called Mark Smith. Went to a posh restaurant with a bevvy of 18 year olds and was never heard from since. Perhaps he ate a dodgy oyster . . .