Introducing . . . Tony Harper

The Hogs number 10 is wondering who came up with this completely idiotic question and answer nonsense, and why they are bothering him with it

Where I grew up On 2-1/2 acres 20km outside of Brisbane – no concrete to skate on, no surf to ride upon – it was all about the round balls – red and small in summer, black and white in winter. 200 pine trees were teammates for one-twos or opponents to dribble through. The huge shed door made an excellent goal – although it wasa little high and still my excuse for blazing two over the bar against Uni.
My first soccer team Moggill United under 8s. Note the colours! Year two we won the club’s first ever premiership (it was the club’s second ever year). I scored nine in one game but got banned from another for refusing to use my left foot at training. Karma now has me coaching arrogant nine year olds.
My greatest soccer moment Hey, after turning my back on it for 22 years I’d play every day if I could. Game one with the Hogs last year would rate highly but nothing I’ve done or seen in the game comes close to Australia 3 Japan 1 in Kaiserslautern (pictured with Matt, just after the third goal). I think about that shit all the time.
WAGs name Sweetie (Lisa to you).
KADs names Roberta (Skippy or Bobbie), 13, of Berlin. Beck (Beckles), 9, and Shay (Shady) (whatever age he damn well chooses to be) of Wombarra. Dogs break your heart.
That embarrassing childhood nickname was Dustin. I think it was because I looked like Tootsie when I frocked up.
My job Stay at home dad (fulltime). Sports journalist (part time).
What I want to be when I grow up A striker for Arsenal (I'd settle for being a central defender).
My favourite footy team Coledale Waves under 9s (pictured). Win, draw or flogged by Balgownie they never ever let you down.
My favourite sportsman Anthony Ritter – you seen what that man’s done?
My favourite TV show The Sopranos is the daddy of ‘em all but I also get my kicks from box sets of Entourage, Shameless, Boston Legal and the chronically ignored The Wire.
Fave movie Foreign language: Wings of Desire. English: Withnail & I. American: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Fave musician/band Can I have five? Or 50? In no particular order: Pixies, Pavement, New Order, Go-Betweens, Nick Cave, Johnny Cash. Not to mention, Nina Simone, Groove Armada, Yo la Tengo, Lemonheads and Beck. Then there’s …
The song or album I like the most The song is Into Your Arms by Nick Cave – got married to it and Beck was born to it. The album is Crooked Rain Crooked Rain by Pavement – time and place.
My favourite (other) sport There are other sports? Kidding – that would be sepak takraw. The greatest sport of the Asian Games.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yaTUjRiFSY&feature=related

What I like to cook Currently anything by Karen Martini. Including a spiced lamb shanks and an osso bucco with saffron risotto. Cooking goes with the fulltime job – eating pies and hot chips goes with the part time one.
Last book I read Last one I really dug was We Need to Talk about Kevin , by Lionel Shriver, written as a long letter from the mother to the father of a child who has shot and killed classmates during a school massacre. Amazing. The past four books have paled beside it.
Cheese or chocolate Epoisses. A 50 percent fat soft cow’s milk from Burgundy and a very special treat if I’ve been good.
Paris or Kylie? Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club before Molly Ringwald took her out the back and “fixed” her up.
If I was a TV character I’d be Ari, from Entourage.
If I was a type of fish I’d be Out of water
My dream car is 100 percent solar powered, can drive to TIGS and back without me and is capable of picking its own rotting food off the back floor.
If I had $10 million I’d give it to Shane Keating for a new body that works.

What’s Cristiano Ronaldo got that I haven’t got 10 tossers as teammates.
The best beer is native to the country you are in at that very moment.
I’d like to be reincarnated as a nine year old in a soccer team being coached by my son.
Goalkeepers. Who needs ‘em I know who doesn’t need ‘em. Sepak takraw. And they get along just fine.
Tell us a joke Q: What’s the worst thing about having a lung transplant? A: Having to cough up someone else’s phlegm (from my 40 smokes a day period).